Thursday, November 26, 2009

Thanksgiving 2009

On some days I am thankful for the ability to shut off my emotions, to totally immerse myself in a project. Today I was thankful to feel so human. I felt a real pain and a real fear in my heart for my family. There were a few hours today that I decided not to put on a confident mask, and let myself grieve for my mother's loss, and for the loss of the only family member I have that I feel like I made any sense to. That was a luxury, not something everyone gets or is even entitled to, I suppose. At least we keep connections with the creatures that spawn us, unlike so many other animals. Perhaps if we didn't, though, we wouldn't have to go through this pain.

It has been beautiful. It is always beautiful to watch loved ones enjoy the world. At the end of the night I feel lonely. I finally take a day off to relax, and yet without any family members alive who think anything I have to add to the conversation is interesting, I feel like I have no one to truly share this day with.

-posted on the move

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

Monday, November 16, 2009

the politics of questions

what does one do, when one asks a question and rather than receiving an answer to it, receives a critique of how it is worded? Is that the answer?

mp3's of the day:

Boston Spaceships- Question Girl All Right (Guided by Voices, Inc.)

Radiohead- These are My Twisted Words

right click that junk.

off to writing. not about music.

I love the coastline. I love the coastline, so low.
I'll write the coastline. Write on, equestrian question girl.

taking care and getting taken care of. whining vs. SOP

I would like to think that people take care of each other because they want to. I especially want to believe that my inclination to nurse, encourage, and tough-love others in their down and out moments has no relationship to earning similar treatment when I need it. However, when I am sick, sad...there is an ugly, green touch of resentment that creeps up and out of my chest. It whispers, "I would do it for you," but often says nothing out loud. This hand, unfortunately, helps me to figure out with whom I have a reciprocal relationship.

Slapping the hand, I wonder:

Do we all need to be taken care of sometimes? Even if we can make the soup ourselves, do we need to FEEL taken care of?

Looking at the pile of work on my desk and considering my inability to ask for help when I need it, I decide that this query is of no current value to me and move on.

Wondering where my high-five is won't write my SOP.

Friday, November 13, 2009

Quotes from a classroom

To me: that's why I like Gainesville; it has no volcanos.

From me: no, what I mean is, did she literally come from the underworld?

-posted on the move, but in solidarity

Thursday, November 12, 2009

I drew this today. The constellation is looks much better in person. The bottom half is black, with the orchid/grey tree branches diving down...but leaving space to glue on a letter...saying whatever needs to be said. I guess I get excited about the birth of people who helped to bring people I care about into this world. Who wouldn't? This photo is not so great. Just wanted to put it up for someone to see.

Things to be Thankful for on a Thundering Thursday

MP3 Offering:
Russian Circles - Malko

1. Alliteration has to be one of them. I am not sure whether Dr. Suess has anything to do with this effect, but I am not acquainted with a single person who wouldn't respond well on some level to a good alliteration.

2. José Gonzalez, in general. Applying to schools lately, this has been "the jam."

3. Small Leaks Sink Ships

The truth of this, and the band, are both equally excellent.

4. Tody Castillo- Not That Kind of Girl

"I know you're not that kind of girl to hang around, and put up with this.
and you know I'm not that kind of boy, to fool around, to get over you."

can't find an mp3 anywhere. Come on, hype machine!

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

To all, a warning

I can now post from my phone.

-posted on the move,
but in solidarity

for you. (because using someone else's words is so much easier than sharing my own tonight)

don't be scared
by andrew bird

Whenever Paul thinks of rain, swallows fall in a wave and tap on his window with their beaks. whenever Paul thinks of snow, soft winds blow round his head and his phone rings just once late at night, like a once late at night, like a bird calling out, "wake up, Paul, don't be scared."
"Don't believe you're all alone."
"wake up, paul," whisper clouds rolling by and the seeds falling softly from the branches of the trees.

Letters Have No Arms !

Letters Have No Arms !